Just What Is Going On?

Just What Is Going On?

Could you please answer me? What the fuck is happening? Did I miss the memo? You know, the one saying we, society as whole, are becoming more united, and caring toward our brothers and sisters, regardless of age or status. I see it mentioned constantly in headlines, newscasts and otherwise, but something really, really left me with a funny taste in my mouth on the afternoon of Friday September 25, 2015.

It must have been wallet day, because I found a lost wallet. I found who owned it straightaway, but they were not answering the door, so I went about my business, and bought some cheap-ass headphones from the Future Shop. Checked to see if No Frills had those six dollar bags of chicken, and bought some toothpaste from Wal-Mart.

At the bus stop, an older woman – by older I mean she was obviously retired, was scrimmaging around the grass and garbage bins where I was sitting – waiting for the loser cruiser, and I had to ask, “What’s the problem?” I had a few bucks in my pocket and thought she might be looking for bottles, but no, she was looking for her wallet that she JUST lost. She noticed it missing pretty much immediately, and not five minutes had passed when she back in the store where she was, and now in front of me.

What her answer was really bugged me. She replied, “I lost my wallet, and I was just hoping that somebody had just taken the money out and chucked it. You know, in the grass or the garbage or something. I was just hoping to get the stuff back. But, I guess somebody picked it up and kept it between the til and my car.” She had lost it that fast.

What got me was what she was defaulted to. She was hoping that whoever found it, just kept the money and chucked it. Not, hoping it was handed in at the store, or somebody might have seen her drop it, but took the money, and left her the wallet.

Now, I had a wallet in my possession, and I decided to look through it. There was no money, but, obviously, this guy’s world would have ground to a slow crawl because it fell away from him.

I had to ask myself, ‘What if there was money in it? What would I have done with said money? Would I have kept it? I have found wallets before – with money – and just returned them, but what would I have done with money, if it had been any sizable amount? Say, a quarter of my disability cheque, or maybe a third? It would have altered any short-term plans I have, and it definitely would have changed one long-term goal – that of getting my crap out of the pawnshop.

I got home eventually, made a coffee and called the guy from the number I grabbed off his business card. It was his business card because the name was the same one on all his identification. He was in a panic for a couple hours already, and was very glad I called. When I called, I asked, “Is this Chris?” he had the longest weird name I have ever seen. Phonetically, it sounded out ‘Do-ya-weird’. I wasn’t going to say it. I said, “is this Chris? I got your wallet.” He laughed because I said it really menacingly like I was going to post its video on Al Jazeera. He sighed relief, and we agreed to meet at his place in a half hour.

What I found out was I wouldn’t have kept his money, because he said that it was too bad that there wasn’t any money in it, and I replied that it wouldn’t have mattered – I didn’t even think of my response. I was on Zen-method-of-navigation all day, and his money wouldn’t have changed that. I also found out that he owned a recording studio. Bonus on my part – he lived two blocks away from me. And, icing on my cupcake, he gave me twenty bucks for my time. The whole half of the day was like Homer Simpson when he became a member of the national Rifle Club, and was thinking what it would be like to rob Apu. By the time he was going to do it, he was already in his car eating a sandwich. “Maybe next time.”

I’m still gonna take those cheap-ass headphones back to Future Shop, but the Lady losing her wallet was still bothering my psyche…

People lose stuff every day and she was no different than the rest of them, in most respects except one; I am pretty certain that she has lived through a time when she didn’t default to an assumed baser instinct of ‘finders keepers, losers weepers’, and she would have given someone a reward as well for the safe return of her property.

She would have paid for somebody to do the right thing? Doing the right thing isn't normal, the default anymore? It just bugged the hell outta me.

This Thing Named Mercy

This Thing Named Mercy

Spring 2016 – Euthanasia has been legalized for 18 months

Lydia was always an image of joy, and had such an influence on others around her that everyone must have, at one time or another, secretly said to themselves “What a beautiful, adorable young girl”. As her doctor, I felt unique and special bond with Lydia because I was one of the few people who had the good fortune of being there from the very beginning of her life – her life and her death – her eleventh birthday. I also knew the truth that her parents continually ignored – Lydia would never get better, or recover. She was going to die like she was – Bill and Jan’s little baby.

Bill and Jan loved their daughter more than their own lives – this was never the question – it was love unyielding, unrelenting, and without compromise. Nevertheless, the pressure that is always associated with the handle and care of a very ill loved-one was taking a heavy toll on the couple, and they were finding themselves in argument more and more as the days and time went on and past. The days passed relentlessly without mercy for these two people, and after 10 years of marriage, the end of their union was visibly, and fast, approaching – but, not if Jan could have a say in the matter.

The two were becoming increasingly overburdened, and increasingly non-responsive to each other, which had lately started to take on form as sympathetic arguments between Bill and Jan – on behalf of Lydia of course. Bill began to talk of removing Lydia from life-support... "... for the sake of Lydia", was how he would begin making his case. Each time Bill started, Jan knew that he secretly desired to stop the torment of the daily hospital visit where he felt his instinctive fatherly omnipotence sanguinely strangled from him – one tiny 6-year old breath, by one tiny 6-year old breath. For Jan it was simple, she would want whatever her husband wanted – she was focusing on trying to save their marriage – they could have another child, nevertheless, she would always create a new and better argument for keeping Lydia on life-support. It is the nature of Jan-the-giver-and-provider of life to abandon nihilism, and embrace undying hope – the hope that life will remain where there still beats a heart.

Lydia was literally a shadow now. She lay in her hospital bed each day slowly being disintegrated by the cancer that ran through her little frame, but the cancer was being denied the satisfaction of the pain it creates by the drugs running through Lydia’s little body just as fast.

At times, during Bill’s visits to Lydia, he would start suddenly from a light dream state – he nodded off often beside Lydia’s bed. But, these lapses of consciousness led to lapses of reason where the day-mares would most times be about somebody entering Lydia’s room and taking her away from him and Jan. These day-mares made Bill feel as though at any moment a nurse could come in and by simply opening the curtain to shed light, it would be that very light that would make Lydia vanish into oblivion. It would be here that Bill would get up, go to the main floor cafeteria, and buy two or three cups of coffee-to-go.

Several weeks more pass.

It was a beautiful mid-May Sunday morning. The bees had taken the morning off because of the rain that had fallen overnight. The air smelled of jasmine, hyacinths, and lilacs, and I could not think of anything else but little Lydia. I left my downtown ground-floor apartment around 1:30PM, but I had not decided if I would be going to the Children’s Hospital as of yet. My actions would soon dispute and disprove that false assumption.

I had spent most of my day in the stupor and the cloud of my discomforting daydreams. I found myself at the nurse’s station at the hospital about 6:00 PM – a "little" past the supper hour. I had unconsciously made the trek on foot – walking around downtown Toronto’s Younge Street for several hours in an unobstructed and uninterrupted daze. I eventually found myself standing at the front of the downtown International hostel – a big building, a tall building, and then recalled that I was only a block or so away from the Children’s Hospital. I made my way there.

The nurse on duty was polite in that subtle Caribbean way. I commented on her perfume and smile, and then I asked her to please refrain from any interruptions because I was going in to see Lydia Denier and I did not want to be disturbed. She, the nurse, complied with a nod saying, “Yes Karen,” and then showed off her lovely bright disarming smile, but the nod and the smile were both without thought of any kind, and behind her bright glassy eyes was the standoffish manner most nurses take when addressing most doctors, including myself. We are two different pedigrees, but inexorably intertwined because of our positions.

When I entered the room, Lydia looked as peaceful, and as quiet as ever. Her bed faced the window, and the light was at such a level that it caused me to reflect on how focused Lydia’s little face appeared. Her eyes blinked fast, and I pictured her somewhere far away, and this brought to my mind a song by the Irish rock group U2 called Kite, and the particular line, “who’s to say where the wind will take you.”

I reached into my coat and took it out. I tapped it twice and stuck it into Lydia’s intravenous tube, and after the syringe emptied into the tube, I stared at this little girl’s frail arm, and I waited. I watched and waited a lifetime lasting 20 seconds then I knew she was dead.

I did not think at that moment I had a choice, or would I allow myself any chance to ponder the little girl’s fate. I as a doctor, who has been granted the ability to save lives, can also assume that I can also be responsible, and, ethical enough, to make the decision as to when enough is enough.

This… this act of mercy eloquently named Euthanasia, cannot be defined with animal logic, or by non-secular terms, but it could only be treated as it ought to be treated – objectively, and without bias. Nevertheless, Lydia’s face is the last thing I see before I fall asleep, and it is the first thing I see when I awake, but I am able to live with what I have done – there is no sense of wrong or sin.

Counsellor To A Student...

Dear CC,

I'm glad you saw me in my office earlier today, and I`m really happy we had our talk.

First, there really are no quick fixes, no shortcuts, but you have to accept this before you can start moving on to an healing phase.

School??? I know exactly how you feel, at the High School level, and at the University level. I had goals for graduating and a plan laid out for me when I started the 11th grade, but two and a half months into it I had to quit because of bullying - it really was that bad. I suspect it had alot to do with my health as well, in that I was small, sickly, never competed in Gym because of my health, and that kind of stuff gets around and eventually you become a target - Grades 8, 9, and 10 came at me like a Banshee with the proverbial hair-brush... but the day I went home I simply said I quit and I'm not going back until something's changed - I already had an idea it was me, but I just stayed quite so I didn't need to start spilling my guts about my big plan. I took the year off, started exercising as my Dr laid it out for me, and took up a couple hobbies. Sure, I wasn't graduating with friends that I'd known for the better part of a decade, but I went back, made new friends, felt good about myself, and what's most important, GRADUATED.
I never went to my Graduation though. We were always dirt poor, and I mean DIRT POOR; couldn't afford the Tuxedo rental, the Dinner, and the kind of ride that I would've needed for my Prom date. I just got "violently ill" those couple of days. No harm no foul.
As for University, my plans got seriously screwed up... I'm not sure if I'll ever get them back on track, but I've got my degrees, and I did the work, with amazing grades. You wanna talk about attendance due to health??? I've literally had semesters, five in all, completely wiped from my perm. record because of my attendance, my health was seriously flawed and I'm surprised that I've got through five years of post-secondary, but it's all good, because I knew from experience, that this was simply a given in my life, and these things will happen, you can only hope for the best, always the best. Patience...
Throughout the last 10/15 years, I've spent alot of time in Hospitals across my country because of my health. BUT, I was always going to make it because half the fight was already won in just knowing that in toughing the hard crap out, you've got the tough crap beat.
I've never let my health prevent me from doing, and getting what I want or felt I needed. I am a Bona Fide Martial Arts expert, with competition experience at the National and International level, and I've never missed the podium. I have an amazing education, and I've been in the Gym the last couple of years getting back in shape doing the weights and Yoga - I really like the Yoga. I've been told I look good, but I know how I feel, and that's good.
What I guess I could share is that you've got to set yourself up with something to say to yourself when you find yourself in certain situations... I have sayings that I recite almost everyday here's a few of them;
Stance, Attitude, Combinations, Ruthlessness, Timing Beats Speed... if you really think about it, you can apply this anywhere anytime.
Another one that I say to myself when I find I don't have the energy or motivation to get things done is... Do the work and things will work out right. I know it's kinda silly, but these work for me...
One I share with a fellow Martial Artist, Renzo Gracie, is "I'd rather have a broken arm than tap-out" This one is one that oozes "Persevere" an incredibly powerful word, that this quote says to me, and I say to myself when I feel like grabbing my ball and just going home.
I guess what the message here is that these things that you are going through now, right now, are not forever... they are temporary; they are not what defines you as an individual but what is going to help make the definition of you when you come out on top on the other side.
One thing I should say, and I say it with caution because I don't wanna offend you, but you sound depressed, and that's something I know a 'little' about. You might want to think about that, because I learned a long long time ago that... 1. I am not alone with my problems - I don't have to be if I don't want to be... 2. I'm no good to anybody if I'm no good to myself, and this is all about my health. My physical, and my mental well being is my first concern... always.
You've got some amazing experiences ahead of you... hell, sometimes I wish I could go back and do some stuff again, but, guess what? It always finishes with the words "... but with my present Brain and knowledge, and all my experiences."
You're young. You should start that diary now, cuz this thing, Life, is a helluva ride, and somebody's gonna wanna read all about it...
Cheers

Several Quotes of Monday

A FEW QUOTES (i gots me tons)

 

 

"Whoever thought of God was very wise indeed"

“Ontology Recapitulates Philogyny.”

 

 

“Coincidence is very convincing."

 

 

“Stance; Attitude; Combinations; Ruthlessness -- Timing Beats Speed."

·         Quotes of Monday

The Absurdity of Space Travel

The Absurdity of Space Travel

 

We have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge. Not only does this thirst include desires for cures, environmental, societal, and individual exploration, we have this undeniable desire to explore and conquer Space. Space contains the planets, the myriad and infinite in number stars and galaxies. We -- meaning our Species as whole, has been going into go to space, collecting data, and pictures, of the Earth, of the Sun, the Planets, the Stars, and of course, the Galaxies.

It was first in 1957 that the Soviet Union won the race to the stars by first launching Sputnik-1 -- a truly remarkable achievement. The victory was eventually countered with President John F. Kennedy famously uttering a challenge to all of America, and to the world:

Quote:

There is no strife, no prejudice, no national conflict in outer space as yet. Its hazards are hostile to us all. Its conquest deserves the best of all mankind, and its opportunity for peaceful cooperation many never come again. But why, some say, the moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? Why does Rice play Texas?

We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too.

The Soviet Union's Yuri Gagarin was the first man to go into space; although it has come to light in the last three decades because of Declassification, that Vladimir Ilyushin might very well be that "First Man".

Humans have landed on the moon, and Humans are trying to find existence of life on other planets. Telecommunication, Weather Forecasting, Radio/Television; basically every aspect of our daily lives is made possible through the challenges and the victories this species has made over, in, and under 'Space'. All things in our modern world, are being made possible through our involvement in space.

There really is no limit to Human intelligence, and the thirst for knowledge that leads to the exploration of even the most impossible. Space exploration is the supreme example of this thirst for knowledge and desire for adventure. This is also one of our greatest achievements; it unites us globally, through any distance, age, or time.

Many years... decades actually, has passed in the proverbial blink of an eye, yet we trudge along in our quest for more answers, and inevitably, the many, many more questions that come with those answers. Many incredible -- almost incredulous discoveries have been made and will continue to be made. Nevertheless, one thing eludes Humans to this day... "Are we alone in the Universe?"

Although the retirement of NASA's Space Shuttle fleet took place March to July 2011. Discovery being the first, NASA's final shuttle mission was completed with the landing of Atlantis on July 21, 2011, bringing about the end of the 30-year Space Shuttle program; the adventurous streak in our species has not abated one bit. We send a constant stream of probes to everything in our Solar System -- all the Planets, Comets, Asteroids, and even the Sun, though personally, I think we're close enough and can see the Sun just fine; you see, the Sun's pretty hot and it can really hurt you in so many ways.

Technology advances in the space exploration arena appear to be accelerating at a rate difficult to have predicted only a short time ago. Our vision of missions might have to be relegated to the "What could have been section". This isn't to suggest... I'm not suggesting; that Space Exploration is a vision that is best left to Science Fiction authors, or Poets. What I am saying is that I have serious doubts as to whether or not we will ever have the ability to leave this Solar System, let alone reach even the nearest star.

Life on other Planets? That is one question that could really only be answered through the actual exploration of Space at a truly cosmological scale -- that of venturing forth to other Solar Systems, and exploring the planets contained therein physically.

This is an absurd proposition, and one I think will never happen.

The Absurdity of Space Travel